Wham bam dropped an email last week into my inbox from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley that gave me a real boost. The current roaring torrent of topsy-turvy geopolitical and economic news has you and me on edge. Feeling hopeful for humanity should not be a fleeting and rare feeling!
The good news? The latest research from the center suggests that 70 percent of Americans feel a personal duty to connect across racial, political, religious, and class lines. Really? Well, let’s run with that and believe in our fellow Americans.
The salon opportunistic news? Most of that 70% say they lack good opportunities to fulfill this duty.
Say what? Buckle up, salon hosts. It’s time to get to hosting.
But let’s keep investigating this research:
When participants in the study do meet people unlike themselves, they’re eager for more—creating “connection cascades” that ripple outward.
Connection Cascades is a new term for me. But I likey so let’s run with it for the purposes of this article.
Salons have been the source of connection cascades for centuries. Let’s not stop now.
Tell me why and tell me how salons can mend the holes in personal my connections?
Built‑in diversity (but only if you make the effort to curate a diverse guest list!) – A salon’s whole point is mixing people who might not cross paths: the venture capitalist and the competitive sailor, the poet and the gaming engineer. Ask your guests, iow, those that are your friends, to bring someone as a plus 1 or 2 that you and the other guests probably don’t know. That person should be interesting! Engaged with life! Doing cool stuff in their own world! Mix it up with the minimum of fuss. Shared purpose over conversation – Guests gather around a question, book, or local issue instead of arguing identities, so collaboration replaces combat. Or more simply, you, the host, interview someone who won’t be massively polarising and appeal to a broad audience. Make it cosy, keep the vibe approachable and unpretentious- Comfortable seating, sultry candles, nibbles that smell good when prepared in the oven, music that appeals to most everyone —all lower the “intergroup anxiety” the study highlights.
“Intergroup anxiety” is exactly NOT what salons should induce!
How is this helpful for singles wanting to meet a partner?
OK! I see we are moving in a new direction here, using salons for dating. Why not?
Our own Singles Salons community report confirmed that IRL beats dating apps every time. That’s a little harsh! Maybe a hybrid approach? What do you think?
Personally, I am adamant about organising salons that are appealing to a broad swath of the curious across ages. Community is about people of all ages in all varying stages of their personal relationships. Grandma, the poet/salon guest, might just help you meet the person of your dreams across the room. Ask her to make that intro! Bringing guests together around ideas lets chemistry emerge naturally and dodges the super awkward transactional feel of typical singles events. They can feel pretty weird, and frequently are totally lopsided with too many women (though great for women to meet other cool female friends).
Ok. I’m In. How Do I Host a “Connection Cascade” Salon?!
Start with a good theme, something to keep everyone’s attention. Here are a list of salon topics we’ve hosted:
The Evolution of Intelligence; Robots Amongst Us; The Art of Listening; The State of Sex and Modern Relationships
Why these work: A common purpose unites guests and keeps discussion moving at pace.
Curate a guest list for constructive difference
Aim for a mash‑up of ages, politics, religions, professions, plus a balanced mix of singles and non‑singles.
Why it works: Spicy diversity encourages new ideas and new relationships.
Come on in!
Warm & forgiving lighting, seating that encourages mini groups to gather, tasty bites and cocktails. As those who’ve been before to act as a cohost and look after the new guests.
Why it works: Signals safety and lowers social anxiety.
Leave time to chill and hang out
After the structured portion, allow lots of room (mentally and time-wise!) for people to mingle and chatter amongst themselves.
Why it works: Unscripted time is where deeper connections and magic happens.
Pro tips for hosts
- Tag‑team it. Co‑hosting with someone from a different network doubles your reach and models bridge‑building.
- Name the intention. A quick welcome that frames the evening as “an experiment in meeting across difference” primes guests to lean in.
- Capture the cascade. End with a sign‑up sheet for the next gathering or a shared chat group; keep the momentum. Will you be the one to host again? Or will you pass the baton to someone in your community?
The payoff
When you open your living room—or your storefront, studio, back garden—to a thoughtfully curated salon, you’re not just throwing a party. You’re building civic muscle (GO YOU!), giving the 70 percent a place to practice the connection they crave, and you might spark a romance, an idea for a new company, or simply a new friendship or two in the process.
Remember, all of this is supposed to be FUN. Both for you the host and the guests. Sure, it takes some oomf and planning but the most long-term rewarding efforts always do.
BY SUSAN MACTAVISH BEST
